Sometimes when your thoughtful Facebook post gets too long, you just turn it into a blog. Enjoy my Friday musing--er--rant:
6:45 My 30 minute bus ride has now turned into 45 minutes. And sitting for a total of 11 hours of my day. It's been one of those long weeks. Those really long tiring weeks where I couldn't get a good night's sleep if I tried. And it's not even finals. But I digress. The bus turned on to Massachusetts Avenue and suddenly the world stop. Well ok the bus and all the cars on Massachusetts stopped in stand-still, crawling, makes you want to pull your hair out traffic.
In that moment, I could feel my flesh, my sinful nature, involuntarily get irritated. My skin tingled with impatience. In my head, I actually felt bad for being so impatient. Lately, God has been convicting me of sins I didn't realize I had and stirring up a contriving heart in me. Most recently, He's convicted me of being really impatient when when life happens outside my schedule. It's just one of those things that gets under my skin. I'm only comfortable when my day is happening perfectly as I expected and planned. It's a control problem I've dealt with a while, but I didn't realize the problem was actually impatience.
I think of impatience when I'm waiting for God to do something big, but not in the little moments like when I'm commuting home.
Back in that bus seat in the middle of Washington, DC, too far from home to walk or take a metro train, I decided to resist my natural impatience and instead practice mindfulness. (See my post on meditation where I first learn of this method of staying present) Yes, I could have took out my bible and done a devotional, but that's not what I needed in that moment, especially with how tired I was. So I sat there and tried to dwell in the moment, actually look out the window at the city I live in and the people around me. I aimed to sense God's presence in that moment and just be on the bus.
To put it in a cheesy metaphor, the slow bus home was like the slow bus of transition I'm in a graduating senior in college. Ok that's enough, you get it.
The moral of my bus ride story: When you feel impatient, take note of it and without judgement bring yourself back to the present. Sometimes the best moments are just dwelling with God. No bible. No prayer. Just being in his presence can be enough.